Mumbai’s Annual Tryst with Destiny a.k.a Monsoon

Last week Mumbai experienced its first rain for this year. Our efficient Met department had a lot of trouble in nomenclature. They insisted on calling it pre-monsoon while the Rain Gods tried to mock them by pounding the city with Cherrapunji-style showers. Personally I don’t think we should debate what type of rain it was. We have bigger mysteries to crack, like whether Vindoo Dara Singh is really a human or still an evolving ape.

Mumbai has had a dubious run with monsoons. Every year it plays a cat-and-mouse chase for a good part of June. And by the time it actually starts pouring properly; the clogged drains are overflowing with dog shit, urine (human or otherwise) and assorted belongings of slum dwellers. People staying in plush sea-facing matchboxes ooa-aah over the views while beggars try to make the most of their annual free bath. People staying outside Mumbai (i.e. Dahisar and Mira Road) actually get a logical excuse to bunk work. Previous attempts at convincing their boss were always met with ‘You-stay-in-Bhayander!?!? EWWW’ stares. This time the look is loaded with sympathy and topped with the smirk of being able to afford a 900 sq. ft. 3 BHK house in Wadala. Score 1 for the boss.

I’m a very positive person and try to seek opportunities where they don’t exist. For example, I have suggested utilizing Kurla as a training lake to prepare for Kerala boat race. Or testing my body’s resistance level to communicable diseases by wading through Hindmata Chowk. Of course I’m talking from the viewpoint of a Delhi-walla and for me, Mumbai rains are equivalent to Delhi women. Both are unpredictable and pretentious & basically leave you wet and messy. They are thunderous and flashy in appearance & keep you waiting unnecessarily. And when they ‘come’, it is more like  they are doing a favor on you. The false sense of happiness that you get is just a misnomer, by the way. You actually end up feeling sorry for yourself. If you are really unlucky they could also leave you poorer (the girls, not necessarily the rains).

Reams of newspaper pages are filled with articles and analysis of how ill-prepared this city is and how disgusting the BMC is. But media has become smart over the years. Computers and cheap hard disks have aided them well too. So instead of churning out new stories, they just search through archives and re-publish articles about the sorry state of affairs. Although it exhibits a sordid confidence on our Government, but what the heck, public memory is extremely short. When we have the tendency to forget a movie immediately after coming out of the hall, why not capitalize on that fact? How I envy the life of a journalist!

But I somehow don’t approve of this portrayal of Mumbai. When you showcase the Third-world problems we face, Hollywood laps it up and makes a Slumdog Millionaire out of it. Why not show some First-world issues as well? Like the loneliness of a rich actor who can’t take out his 3-crore Ferrari because it has low ground clearance and will get stuck? Or why PYTs of the Page 3 circuit cannot step out for that luncheon in a micro-mini dress because she might spoil her well kempt legs? Worse, how a rich businessman couldn’t get free home delivery of ice-made-from-Evian water and it ruined his mood of having 18-year old Single Malt. Why doesn’t anyone talk about these real problems of Mumbai?

We should learn to appreciate the bright side of monsoons once a while. Street food vendors no longer need to wash plates and chai glasses with dirty drain flowing next to their stalls. They can wash it under running water, literally. Residents of Dharavi and Sion who had promised their kids a beach vacation can breathe a sigh of relief and take them to the nearest water logging spot instead. Rain helps to wash down the dirt on those 150-year buildings which incidentally also means that Society Treasurer gets another foreign vacation out of the Building Maintenance account. Vashi and Thane citizens can upload photos of them dancing in the rain, appropriately titled ‘Rain Dance DJ Party’ and pretend to match up to their South Bombay counterparts.  MTNL employees can finally blame natural reasons for their non-functioning network, even though the complaint was against their staff.

These are just some of the beautiful moments associated with Mumbai rains which no one ever talks about. I think we should cut some slack to the city and enjoy the rains by trying to keep our eyes closed. You could also stuff some cotton in your nose for added effect.

In the end, it all boils down to the resilient spirit of Mumbai. Everyone keeps dreaming about a better place and goes on with their lives, because you know, they have no choice. I’m sure this is what they meant when someone coined the term ‘Mumbai – The City of Dreams’.